That’s right folks, we’re back with an all-new line of high-powered snow machines from the CAPiTA Super Corporation.
Above and beyond our standard technical supremacy, we’re also gonna hit you with some psychological tactics to get you on our side. Call it subliminal messaging, the art of persuasion or simple schoolyard marketing, we’re about to lay it on thick.
It starts with our patented move, the ‘ol “OF DEATH™” trick.
You see, anything and everything in life appears cooler when labeled “of death.”
You know your semi-dorky ginger friend? Well, with about a month and a little help from your friends at CAPiTA, that badass can show up at school with The Red Beard OF DEATH.
You can apply this trick to anything. Even static objects devoid of any meaning at all. Try it at home. You can suddenly have The White Coffee Mug OF DEATH, or The No. 2 Pencil OF DEATH. Join the fun! It even works on cuddly things like The Super Soft No Chafe Baby Butt Talc Powder OF DEATH.
Now, let’s apply this strategy to something that is already off the charts, next level incredible. We could have named the best all terrain snowboard on the planet anything, but we know how you think. We’re inside your head. We know what you want, and it’s The Black Snowboard OF DEATH.
The CAPiTA Black Snowboard Of Death is what you need to take complete control of the days you spend on-hill this season. Its legendary status as an all-terrain slayer leans toward the mountain side of riding with a custom-designed rockered nose, a zero-hybrid tail, and positive camber through the mid-section. This allows for tons of pop, insane control, and flotation in powder – making you a better snowboarder in variable terrain and changing conditions. The 2015/16 model features a modified shape and increased torsional strength. Combined with the Hover Core™, Nano carbon forks, and progressive shaping geometry, the Black Snowboard of Death stands as one of the most advanced snowboards available.